Selective empathy is a terrible concept, that we find it easiest to empathize with only a subset of people, often those promoted by our closest influences, media and friends, rather than attempting to approach all people on an equal footing. And of course, we are hard wired to support our tribe, to protect our family and promote our genes.

With the internet, urbanization, and an overall mixing of ethnicities and cultures, it is possible to empathize with a broader range of people — though high school cliques and default pathways tend to shrink those chances over time. As mentioned before, the likelihood of us partnering with someone unlike ourselves decreases as we get older. When crises happen, coverage can be skewed by government agendas, local media, and our own selective consumption of information: who we tend to check up on and what topics we subscribe to.

Seeing a parent of a middle school classmate violently assaulted, even as an Asian myself, brings the racial violence closer to home than any news story. I’m sure the same would be true if one of my friends’ family were affected by the pandemic outbreak in India. But yet, we only have a capacity to care about so many people, and it is upsetting to see others appear not to care about the things we value or put their priorities elsewhere. Especially when those priorities are only for themselves, not their dependents, not their own providers.